Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Ch. 5: All is Grace

I struggled a bit through chapter five, not because of the numerous shadow moments I've endured throughout my life, but because of the depth of truth and revelation in the words.

I think back over my life at what the world would consider the darts, the darkness, the dangers.

If I came through

  • Parents divorcing when I was two
  • Being taken from one parent at three
  • Being beaten black and blue by an angry step-father
  • Being kidnapped from the other parent at four and hidden away
  • Living on the run for two years, blue lights always flashing
  • Waking up in a different jail every morning
  • Being given a fake name my memory has since blocked out
  • A car accident that left my skull fused back together with a metal plate
  • Abuse by a family member for six years 
  • Living with far too much freedom for a preteen and paying the price
  • My father dying when I was 12
  • Being told Daddy's death was my fault because he died of a broken heart
  • Being convinced I didn't deserve to live
  • An older step-sibling shoving me into drugs and alcohol at 13
  • The first guy I dated at 15 thinking no meant yes
  • Getting pregnant at 16
  • Miscarriage at 11 weeks
  • Watching our newborn daughter take her final breaths in my arms
  • Losing my brother, then my mother 11 months later
  • Half-siblings who just weren't interested in having a little sister
  • Betrayal by those I called my best friends 
  • Church abuse that left me reeling and confused and broken
  • Grief-triggered depression that threatened to drown me

How can I not focus on the fact that I came through them all?

Was it not His grace that brought me safe thus far?

And how can I not focus on the beauty that God has brought from these ashes?

  • I am healed and whole.
  • I do not carry weighty baggage from my past.
  • I am married to the most precious man God could ever have dreamed up for me.
  • I am a mother--what I always wanted more than anything in the world to be--of five sweet children, and now a grandmother to two.
  • I have had an opportunity not every woman gets: the blessing of homeschooling our children for the past 23 years.
  • All five of our children walk with God.
  • I face each new day knowing I have faced grief and walked through it to the other side.
  • I am a daughter of the Most High God.
  • I have amazing, genuine friends.
  • I have seen brokenness mended and relationships healed and reforged.
  • I have a family that loves and supports one another in ways that are difficult to word.
  • I am supported and celebrated in who I am and encouraged to do what makes me smile.
  • I have experienced a body of Believers who truly "get" what being the Church is really all about.
  • I have enjoyed good health for most of my life.
  • I have known love that I never knew existed.
How could I not say, "All is grace!"?

Seed: God reminded me through chapter five that I have a strong foundation on which to build the belief that my God is with me always, in times of excruciating pain and mountain-top bliss, and all between.

Water: I am seeking out Scripture that bears out the pervasive Grace of God in every moment of life.

Bloom: I am stronger, calmer, and more complete than ever. I feel His presence with me every moment. I'm noticing more and more the difference these changes are making in how I live, how I speak, how I act, how I approach and respond to life. Like the sunrise comes the dawning that His grace truly is sufficient for me.


  1. I to struggled with this and most likely will always and at the same time whispering God's Grace God's Grace

  2. {{{hugs}}} So much has tried to knock you out, keep you down for the count, but has only served to raise your gloved hand victorious, Sis. You're a fighter with the Ring Master in control. Nothing can take you and, with Him, you can take anything. Love you, Sis.